By Colin McGuire
Chris Sands is the founder and host of the UnCapped Podcast and a craft beverage enthusiast. Colin McGuire is the features editor of The Frederick News-Post, a fan of interjections and possessor of a palate that believes discrimination is just wrong. Together, they hit up pubs and breweries, where—and if you deciphered our headline you won’t be surprised by this—Chris makes Colin drink. And Colin recounts the experience:
Peabody Heights Brewery, 401 E. 30th St., Baltimore
CHRIS MAKES COLIN DRINK :
• Bash Bros with watermelon
• Bash Bros with guava
• Bash Bros
• Goonda Post with chai
• Goonda Post with coconut
• Goonda Post
• Peabody Heights Pseudo Science
• Goonda Double Mumble
Because God knows Chris needs yet another reason to somehow con his bosses into allowing his “work” to be “having someone else drive him to Baltimore for a beer release.” Or, well, I think there was a beer release there, at least. I don’t know. I just agree to do these things months in advance only to truly despise my life once it actually comes time to do them. An hour drive … to stand in a line for 15 minutes … to have a taste of a beer … on a Wednesday night. It’s a very specific blend of torture.
HOW MUCH DID I WANT TO TRY ANY OF THESE BEERS?
About as much as I wanted to drive around the block 9,471 times to try to find a parking space near this thing — only to eventually find a space on the street … and have Chris call me to tell me a space closer to the brewery opened up.
Pretty much exactly as you’d expect a brewery to look, smell, feel and taste in the middle of Baltimore.
The coolest thing about the place, though, was the fact that it really felt like you were walking through the production side of a brewery to get to wherever you were going. Even the restrooms seemed to be in the middle of where beer was being made. Neat.
THE BEST THING TO COME OUT OF THIS MESS
Some kids approached my car at a red light and while Chris and I were both under the impression our lives were going to end somewhat unceremoniously, they literally just washed half my windshield.
I had no money for them. They moved on. So. Um. Well. At least I can say half my car is clean.
NOW, ABOUT THE BEER …
Have you ever had beer with chai tea in it? No, wait. Have you ever wanted to have beer with chai tea in it? Yeah, me neither.
Turns out, though, Mr. Chris Sands loves himself some Goonda Post with chai tea. He even said things like, “I like that,” and “Surprising.” His favorite, though, was Double Mumble, which is also a beer that I think he said is one of his favorites ever. (It was hard to hear what he was saying due to both my inexorable apathy and the fact that the place was crowded.) The only one he didn’t care for much was the Goonda Post with coconut because, honestly, you could find more coconut taste in an orange.
As for me … well, the only thing I walked away with was this prevailing question: What the hell is guava? “It tastes like Ecto Cooler Hi-C from back in the day,” I heard someone say, immediately reminding me how much I detest the phrase “back in the day.”
No, but honestly. What the hell is guava? Anyway, I loved (loved!) the regular Goonda Post, which instantly became one of my favorite stouts ever (ever!). What I didn’t love was Kyle. Or Carl. Or Carlin.
No, those weren’t people I met; those were names I was mistakenly called by Chris’s friend. To this second, I still don’t think she knows my name is “Colin.”
WILL WE BE GOING BACK?
I’m sure Chris will. And truth be told, I might even make the trek again one day myself. That stout was deeee-licious. Now, if only someone would tell me what the hell guava is.