by Colin McGuire
Attaboy Beer, 400 Sagner Ave., Suite 400, Frederick
CHRIS MAKES COLIN DRINK …
• Galaxy Maid (New England IPA)
• Tarts McGee Peachy (tart ale with peach and apricot)
• Mermaid Blood (hibiscus blonde)
• Lunch Break (patersbier)
• Creek Life Vic Secret (extra pale ale)
To play games, duh! No, but really: Chris and I did one of these for another publication a bunch of months ago, but because I won the games of gigantic Connect Four that we played then, he demanded we step back on the playing field for a different competition. Note: My definition of “won” might be different than yours.
HOW MUCH DID I WANT TO TRY ANY OF THESE BEERS?
On a scale of 1 to 10 … about a 65. First, this was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, and traffic was Black-Friday-shopping crazy. So, that sucked. And then, I also knew I had to wake up at 3 the next morning to drive to Florida. And ohhh boy, let me tell you something. When you’re staring down the barrel of that drive, you need a lot more than five tiny glasses of beer to help you feel better about stuff.
Their block letter branding really set the vibe. It’s also very smart of the people who run the place because it sets them apart from other local breweries. But back to the task at hand. Young pretty people who will forever make four times as much money as I do in a year. Industrial. Game-friendly. Pet-friendly. Everything anyone who ever wears flannel would want.
THE BEST THING TO COME OUT OF THIS MESS
My first-ever game of Jenga! Which doesn’t do me any favors because my hands shake harder and more frequently than a maraca at a Santana concert.
NOW, ABOUT THE BEER …
Welp. I didn’t like ’em. Not a single one. Which, I suppose, is the point of this nonsense: Make Colin drink stuff he doesn’t want to drink. But this time around, it felt like the disdain was more intense than it had been before. If I had to pick a favorite, it would be the Lunch Break, but I can’t really tell you why. Chris, on the other hand, liked pretty much all the beers. And while his second favorite was the Tarts McGee Peach, he sure does love himself some Galaxy Maid, mostly because of its bitterness (which, naturally, I can appreciate). Perhaps unsurprisingly, he also noted that it is the brewery’s most popular beer. So, cool, Chris: Be like everyone else. I bet you own an iPhone, too.
WILL WE BE GOING BACK?
Yeah, we’ll go back. First, because I need to get my revenge in Jenga and I’ll be sure to wear a cast so my hands don’t shake. Second, because I have had beer that I like at Attaboy and this experience didn’t leave me with any of those good tastes in my mouth. (See what I did there?) And third, it’s probably unfair to judge beer whilst (I hate people who use “whilst”) knowing I have a 15-hour drive in front of me. So, all in all, this dispatch has been wildly sabotaged and unfairly written, but hey: You can only lose in Jenga so many times before the bitterness from the beer transports from the glass to your mood.